How to Support an Employee Who Is Struggling with Their Mental Health: A Plain English Guide for Irish Managers

By Enda O’Doherty, mental health and resilience keynote speaker  |  Updated October 2026

To support an employee with mental health struggles, notice the change, find a private moment, ask how they are and then ask again, listen more than you talk, agree one practical step together, and point them to support such as your Employee Assistance Programme or their GP. You don’t need to fix it or diagnose it. You need to make it safe for them to be honest.

Most managers I meet want to help. What stops them is fear of saying the wrong thing, of making it worse, or of opening something they can’t close. That fear is understandable, and it is the reason so many people struggle in silence at work.

I know from my own years of telling everyone “I’m fine” that the first answer is rarely the true one. This guide is the plain English version of what I share with leadership teams across Ireland: what to look for, what to say, what not to say, and what to do next.

A manager is often the first person to see that something has changed, and the person whose reaction decides whether an employee speaks up again. The CIPD’s HR Practices in Ireland 2025 report found that over half of Irish organisations see a lack of management support as a factor in poor mental health.

Research from SD Worx Ireland found that almost one in four Irish employees took leave for their mental health in a single year, yet only 45 per cent felt comfortable discussing it with their team. The gap between those two numbers is where a good manager makes the difference.

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You don’t need the perfect words. You need to ask, and then really listen to the answer.

The most useful sign is change. Someone who was always early starts arriving late. A chatty person goes quiet. Careful work becomes careless. Look for patterns over a few weeks rather than one bad day.

Common signs include tiredness and low energy, missed deadlines, more sick days, withdrawing from colleagues, irritability or tearfulness, working much longer hours than usual, and a loss of interest in things they used to care about. Remote staff can be harder to read, so watch for cameras that stay off, slower replies, or someone who has stopped speaking in meetings.

None of these prove anything on their own. They are simply a reason to check in.

Choose somewhere private and a time when neither of you is rushing off. A walk or a coffee often feels easier than a meeting room. For remote staff, a one to one video call works, but tell them in advance it’s just a check in, not about performance.

Keep your opening simple and specific:

“I’ve noticed you’ve seemed a bit flat the last couple of weeks. How are you doing, really?”

If they say “I’m fine”, don’t move on. Ask once more, gently:

“Are you sure? I’m asking because I care, and there’s no pressure to say anything you don’t want to.”

That second question is often the one that opens the door. If they still don’t want to talk, accept it warmly and let them know the door stays open. Many people come back days later.

Listen more than you speak. Let silences sit. You don’t have to have answers. Some phrases that help:

• ▸“Thank you for telling me. That can’t have been easy.”
• ▸“That sounds really hard.”
• ▸“What would help most right now?”
• ▸“Is there anything at work that’s making this harder?”
• ▸“You don’t have to go through this on your own.”

Ask what they would like to happen next, and agree one small, practical step before you finish. It might be a lighter week, a later start, time off for an appointment, or simply checking in again on Friday.

Well meaning comments can close a conversation down fast. Avoid “Everyone gets stressed”, “Cheer up”, “You don’t seem depressed”, or “At least you have a good job”. Avoid turning the conversation to your own experience too quickly, and don’t try to diagnose. You’re not expected to know what’s wrong, only to notice that something is.

Be careful about confidentiality too. Ask before you share anything with HR or colleagues, and agree together who needs to know.

Small adjustments often make a big difference: flexible hours, a temporary change in workload, working from home on some days, a quieter workspace, regular short check ins, or time off for appointments. Agree them together, write them down, and review them after a few weeks.

Make sure they know about your Employee Assistance Programme, and encourage them to talk to their GP. Free national supports include the HSE’s mental health services and the YourMentalHealth information line on 1800 111 888, Samaritans on 116 123, and text support from 50808.

Mental health is a health and safety matter in Ireland. Under the Safety, Health and Welfare at Work Act 2005, employers must protect employees from risks such as work related stress, bullying and harassment. A mental health condition can also count as a disability under the Employment Equality Acts, which means employers must consider reasonable accommodation. As the Law Society Gazette pointed out in October 2026, getting it wrong can lead to Workplace Relations Commission awards. This is general information, not legal advice, so talk to HR for your own organisation’s policy.

If someone tells you they are thinking about ending their life, or you believe they are in immediate danger, stay with them, stay calm, and get help straight away. Call 112 or 999, or go with them to the nearest emergency department. Pieta offers free support on 1800 247 247, and Samaritans are available on 116 123, day or night.

Supporting someone can take a lot out of you. Talk to HR or your own manager, use the EAP yourself if you need it, and remember that your role is to support, not to carry it alone. That lesson is close to my heart.

When I climbed Kilimanjaro with a washing machine for the Share the Load mental health campaign, altitude sickness stopped me about an hour from the summit. I had to hand the load over and watch my friends carry it the rest of the way. Real strength is letting other people help you carry the weight, and that is as true for managers as it is for the people they look after.

Most managers have never been shown how to have this conversation. A keynote that opens the subject honestly, followed by practical training, gives them the confidence to act. My talks for leadership teams draw on my own experience of depression, drink and recovery, written about in my book I’m Fine!, and on ten years of working with organisations like Pfizer, AIB, Accenture and TikTok. If you’re weighing up formats, my mental health keynote page explains what a talk covers and how it is tailored.

You don’t need to be an expert to make a difference. You need to notice, ask, and keep the door open. If you’d like help building that confidence across your leadership team, get in touch here, call 086 677 2154, or email info@endaodoherty.ie.

If reading this has stirred something for you personally, please talk to someone. Samaritans are available free, day or night, on 116 123.